July 24, 2010 

 

 

Today I successfully completed my very first skydive! It was absolutely amazing and I can’t do anything but praise God for his grace and his angels! I was sure that I was going to meet Jesus at least 3 times today but I made it back in tact. Let’s review the events of the day together. 

I decided that I wanted to skydive for my 30th birthday. Mainly because my friends are spread all over the country so I didn’t want to rustle everyone up.  Also, I was born on January 5th, so since it’s right after the holidays when people are broke and traveled ragged.  So, if you can’t party, you might as well jump out of a plane! As the weather would have it, January was a horribly cold time to jump even in South Carolina so that jump was rescheduled. I pulled a muscle after my PT test, so I couldn’t make it to my 2nd scheduled jump.  Now, six months later I was able to celebrate my milestone birthday with a bang.

I was fine on the drive up there. Skydive Carolina is in the sticks, conveniently hidden between Columbia and Charlotte. I was not scared when I got there or even when I signed the waiver promising that no one remotely related to me would sue in the event of my untimely death or permanent injury. I met my instructor, Joe, who was so laid back that he couldn’t be constrained by wearing shoes.  Then, about 20 of us piled in the tiny little plane and set off on our adventure.  When we kept flying higher, I started to get a little bit nervous.  No one can really conceive how high 14,000 feet is, it is high. During the trip up I finally thought about what we were all doing. We were going 3 miles into the air and willingly throwing ourselves out of a safe plane to free fall for about a mile, then we would pull a string and hope that the nylon sheet will come out and help us land safely on the ground. Madness! 

We got up to 14,000 feet and the professional jumpers just opened the door and started peeling out like you would walk out of any door of a building! I was the first of the tandem jumpers so I had no rookie to watch, which was probably to my benefit. My instructor pulled me up and pushed me to the door where I got my first glimpse of death. I saw how high we were and thought, “We’re gonna die!” Fortunately, Joe was behind me so I just acknowledged pending death and kept moving. You can’t dwell on negativity like that. Upon exit we flipped over 3 times! Literally head over heels 3 times in a row. During this time, I thought again, “We’re gonna die!” Once we stabilized and stretched out I began enjoying the view, the clouds, the quiet, the cool wind, it was beyond belief. Joe pulled the parachute and we began to coast on the wind. I even got to steer for a while as he taught me how to turn to the the left and right.  Then as we were moving toward the landing zone, a plane taking off seemed to be heading straight for us. For the third time in 20 mins I thought, “We’re gonna die!” You can’t speed up a parachute and you cannot hit the brakes. I had no idea how we were going to work this out! Thankfully, I’m the rookie with limited knowledge and Joe was in control. He steered us sharply to the right and we were home free, heading in for a safe landing.  

Once on the ground my body was literally buzzing from the adrenaline surge for at least 30 mins.  I couldn’t drive home like that, I could barely remember my name. May God continue to bless our amazing Airborne service members who not only hop out of a plane, but then remember the mission that they need to accomplish once on the ground! I probably couldn’t have found the nearest bathroom, if asked. 

 Despite the repeated glimpses at certain death, skydiving is an absolute must do. Thank God I only turn 30 once though! 

May 5, 2010

I almost hauled off and slapped a woman in Walgreen’s today.  She made a seemingly innocent and observant comment, but it was just enough to push me over the edge for that moment.  Go there with me for a second.  I have a preschooler struggling to get away from me with all her might on my right side.  I have a 18-month old whining and rubbing his eyes in my left arm. A huge diaper bag is bumping me on the back with each step. Oh, and I’m trying to hold on to the tub of vaseline and prescription that necessitated this trip.  So, I walk past Little Miss Looky-loo and she says the most hated phrase of my time as a mother, “Boy, you sure do have your hands full!”  The rage that bubbled up inside of me at that moment made me want to drop everything and slap that lady for her insensitivity.

Now, the Army would have you believe that after my years of combat experience I’m a steely eyed killer, capable of defending myself against all enemies foreign and domestic, that’s why I wanted to slap her. Or maybe it could be seen as a case of unresolved post-traumatic stress disorder. But, the truth is that people are notorious for saying crazy things to mothers and I’m sick of it! Why would you walk past someone obviously struggling, to the extent that you need to speak about it, and then continue on with your day? If you see that I have my hands full, offer to help me! If you’re too busy or self-absorbed to help me, which is fine because I’ll make do without you, at least have the courtesy to shut your mouth.  But, to see someone in need of help, verbally recognize that they need help, and then continue on with your life is criminal.  It happens to moms everyday though, and we just have to deal with.  As if the whining kids, dirty dishes, and endless duties aren’t enough, we’ve got the Miss Looky-loos of the world making statements of the obvious.  This “Boy, you’ve sure got your hands full” comment is followed closely by the despised, “You SURE are big!” comment that we have to endure during pregnancy. It’s a wonder that more mothers haven’t been incarcerated for assault just by responding to the rudeness of total strangers.  Maybe it’s because we’re too busy wrestling with the kiddos to land a punch.  So this Mother’s Day, hug your mom if she’s here, pray for all of the moms trying to make it through everyday with their precious little ones, but most importantly keep your mouth shut if you’re not willing to help with the kids! 

 

I’ve never been good at math. The whole concept of being excited about numbers just boggles my mind. But, it’s so useful! Where would we be in our lives if someone hadn’t taken the time to properly calculate how much weight an elevator can hold to operate safely? Thank God for the scientists that methodically tested crash dummies to make our cars safe. But, there is one type of math that tickles me to pieces everyday and it’s called Kidonometry. Never heard of it? It’s the calculation of how adding children to life circumstances gives you a vast array of solutions. I’m sure you’ve done a few equations in your day.

Kidonometry starts off simple and sweet. The basic equation is 1 man + 1 woman = 1 precious little newborn baby.  The math quickly goes down hill into increasing complex equations that don’t really have a pattern or predictable response.  I recently had a trip which took my understanding of Kidonometry to a new level.  We went to my parents’ house for the weekend and the start of the equation was quite simple: 1 mom + 2 kids + 3.5 hour drive.  We’ve done the drive nearly a dozen times and never had any issues.  The trip to Atlanta was one that I thought I could do in my sleep. This is where kidonometry earns its place as the most complicated of all math forms. Unfortunately on this trip, my resulting equation ended up looking like this: 1 mom + 2 kids + 3.5 hour drive = 6 fights over toys + 2 animal cracker tossing matches + 1 bath in the rest stop sink + arrival 5 hours later at Grandma’s.  I had no reason to think I would have to bathe my child at the rest stop but after mastering Intro to Kidonometry with my first kid, I knew to always have a change of clothes and towels in the car. I thought the animal crackers would help calm the cries, not kick off a game of “how many bears can we get in Mom’s hair?”  My crumb-filled head was spinning, my ears were ringing, and I started to laugh to keep from having a nervous breakdown along I-20. All I can do is keep my notebook ready for my Kidonomery pop quizzes!

January 3, 2010

Happy New Year, everybody! I’m happy to say that I’ve returned from the land of delirium and I’m still sane, though completely spent!  We had the bright idea of taking advantage of the wonderful deal Disney World offered to military families.  Getting a 5-day ticket for $99 and a completely free ticket for my hubby was just too sweet for us to pass up.  Being Miami-born, Disney World always brings a smile to my face. I remember running through the different countries at Epcot Center, tasting all of the amazing food.  I had a blast on the water slides and floating down lazy rivers until the sun set only to enjoy amazing fireworks shows with spirited Disney music.

I don’t have to tell you that going to Disney as the parent of a princess-crazed preschooler and an infant was a completely different experience.  Since I had such a rude awakening during my holidays at Disney I figured that I should share it with you to soften the blow for your trip.  Or make you giggle a little bit reminiscing on the time when you endured the land of delirium.  I’ve come back with a few kernels of truth for you.

1)  Never take a princess-crazed preschooler and an infant to Disney World.  It was truly my daughter’s dream come true.  She was surrounded by all of her favorite princesses, got primped, prettied and fussed over in the castle, and was never pestered about nap time. The child was sure that she had died and gone to Heaven every single day of our trip.  My baby boy, on the other hand, wondered when the crazy form of torture would end.  I think he finally concluded that the trip was pay back for the turmoil he inflicted on our lives during his first two months of life and decided to grin and bear it.  Seriously, the baby was miserable after about an hour in the park. So if the kiddo is still in a diaper, just leave them at the house.

2)  Old rules still apply.  For some strange reason, parents believe that just because they have paid a few hundred dollars for tickets and made a road trip, their children will miraculously act like angels once in the theme park. Not so! The same kid who is a terror at home, will undoubtedly throw a tantrum right in the middle of Main Street U.S.A.  Countless parents were seen dragging their tired, crazed kid through the park shouting, “You better get up now! We’re not going home yet!” I felt bad for those parents, because we’ve all had those days, and quickly gave my daughter the evil-eye to make sure she didn’t try the same stunt.

3)  Last and most importantly is the truth that people are nuts.  I saw so many examples of the extent to which people are nuts, it’s hard to provide you with just a few concrete examples. People literally collided with full-on parades or immovable objects because they were just completely oblivious of their surroundings.  Families stood in line for nearly an hour to pay $30 a piece for matching Disney neck lanyards.  Please know that the economy is alive and well at Disney World.  That whole recession nonsense is a sham.  People have plenty of money to spend, they just save it for a blow-out trip to Disney! Maybe the delirium of Disney makes everyone forget that they are broke, which brings us right back to the truth that people are nuts.

All of the craziness and humor of Disney World made for an amazing trip, one that we will never forget. Thanks to Disney for remembering military families, it was a great time to make new memories that will come in handy down the road.  It’s a good thing too, because we won’t be going back again until 2015. I’m broke and exhausted, have fun at Disney for us!

November 3, 2009

We’re back from California and I’ve never been so happy to see Fort Jackson.  I went to Stanford for a reunion weekend with some of my girlfriends that I haven’t seen since my wedding.  I’m the only one married with kiddos out of our group, the others are still living the single life and no where near a military base.  I was talking to one of my girlfriends about events my hubby had missed due to work/deployment and about times back home when I was holding down the fort.  She jokingly said, “Girl, you know you can tell us the truth if things didn’t work out between you two. We love you regardless!”  I laughed because, to her, it did seem like my hubby and I were on the outs.  Years had gone by and she had never seen his face.  If they had not met him in college and also stood next to us at the wedding, my college buddies probably would’ve thought that I made the whole thing up!

Such is life as the Army wife.  We get used to holding down the fort as if it’s no big deal, but to our civilian sisters it is a major feat.  We become accustomed to going places solo when some civilian spouses stage protests and stir up arguments.  It’s just a part of the life when you love a soldier.  Every bit of sunshine casts a shadow somewhere. Every relationship has its ups and downs.   The truth about life as an Army spouse is that your partner is not your own.  You share your loved one with the Army consistently and you just hope to find great friends to keep you company during the lonely times. For me, it just makes coming back to Fort Jackson that much sweeter.  I know you ladies understand me.  You girls know why it’s just me and kiddos out on the town.  You know what it means to be married to the Army.  Best of all, you know exactly where my hubby is.  He’s breaking in those soldiers, just like yours is!